


Hiraeth

by rage_quitter



Series: Aurora and Mikris (and friends!) [5]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Origin Story, Reconciliation, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-25 00:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20367820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rage_quitter/pseuds/rage_quitter
Summary: Hiraeth: a Welsh term, loosely referring to a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.





	Hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> Backstory for my voidlock zavrik!!

“Whoa, hey, check this out!”

“It’s the same as every other rock out here.”

“Nah, nah, look, the formation of this crystal here, it’s at a slightly different angle, so that means that--”

“We’re not here to look at rocks, we’re supposed to be trying to find those aliens.”

Zavrik shook his head. “You two arguing is going to give away our position,” he said dryly. “And then they’ll find us, not the other way around.”

Issa snorted and lightly tossed the stone in her hand. “We haven’t seen a sign of them here,” she said. “It’s a wild goose chase. I don’t know why Sjur thought we should look here. There’s nothing but dead old ships.”

“That’s exactly the sort of places those things like to hide out in,” Zavrik warned. He frowned. “I’d prefer not to get stabbed by one of them, if that’s alright with you.”

“I wanna see what they’re like,” Farran said. “They looked cool in the feeds we got.”

“They looked dangerous,” Zavrik muttered. He shifted his hold on his gun and sighed. “We might as well keep moving. Even if there’s nothing out here, I’d feel better knowing for sure. And since I’m leading, you two can pipe down and help instead of arguing over rocks.”

“You’re such a buzzkill,” Issa grumbled. She chucked the rock at the ground.

They marched on over the dusty asteroid toward the wreckage of an ancient human ship. Something was itching at the back of Zavrik’s skull. Some sense of something… wrong.

“Should we head in?” Farran asked softly.

Zavrik chewed his lip for a moment before holstering his gun and sliding into a hole in the wall.

“Guess that’s a yes.” 

He stayed crouched on the floor until they joined him. He pulled his gun back out and flicked on a small light in his off hand. “Stay close, and listen carefully,” he hissed. “I’ve got a weird feeling.”

“Things always go wrong when you get weird feelings,” Issa told him, but held her bow strung and ready. 

Slowly, they crept forward. The only sounds were their cautious footsteps and the rusty creaking of the ancient metal.

Minutes ticked by. Zavrik felt stifled with unease.

He heard Farran take in a breath. “Issa, stop humming,” he whispered.

“I’m not, I thought you were.”

Zavrik froze. They stopped.

The humming didn’t. 

Something very, very cold settled in Zavrik’s stomach.

“Guys,” he breathed. “When I say go, you need to run. Back the way we came. Don’t stop.”

“Zav--”

“One.”

Something sharp tapped against metal.

“Two.”

He smelled copper and ozone.

“Three.”

Zavrik whirled around and shoved at his companions. “Go, go, run!”

They turned and bolted.

Zavrik got two steps forward before a furious war cry rattled his ears. 

A creature nearly eight feet tall dropped down in front of him, rippling out of its stealth. Its four eyes glittered blue, cold with anger. It snarled something.

“Zavrik!”

He lifted his gun.

The creature lunged forward before he could pull the trigger. 

The world turned into blinding agony. He choked around blood filling his throat, and through hazy vision he saw the horrified faces of his crew, the silent scream from his sister's mouth.

The creature stepped back as his eyesight blurred. He could feel things in slow motion--the heat of his blood soaking his armor, the rush of gravity pulling the floor to meet him, the dark falling in to catch him.

Warmth. 

He sucked in a breath of air and his eyes flew open. He jerked upright. 

“Oh! Oh, hey, careful!”

He blinked and looked up. 

A tiny robot was looking at him. “Easy, buddy,” it said gently. “It’s gonna be a little rough for you for a bit. Don’t make too much noise, though, okay?”

He sat back and frowned at the tiny robot. “What in the world are you?”

It chuckled, seemingly relieved. “I’m a Ghost. I was made by the Traveler. I’m your Ghost now.”

“My Ghost?” He eyed it. “Why… do I have a tiny talking drone?”

“It’s… a bit of a long story,” the Ghost said apologetically. “And I’m not sure how much of it you’ll understand. You probably don’t remember anything, do you?”

He shook his head.

“No one does. I’m not the only Ghost. There’s lots of us, and we each have to find someone. We have to protect the Traveler and the Light.”

He knew, vaguely, what that meant. The Traveler--big white moon thing that transformed the solar system. “Why?”

“It’s in danger. The Darkness is here. It’s already nearly destroyed… everything. The Traveler barely stopped it in time. And it made us to find people to use the Light. I’ve been looking for you for over a hundred years! But I finally found you!” It spun its shell, seemingly overjoyed. 

“Why me? Why don’t I remember anything?”

“Well…” The Ghost twitched its shell now, almost sheepish about it. “You… you were dead. But I brought you back to life. You just won’t remember anything from before.”

His eyes widened. “Dead?”

“Yes… I’m sorry.” The Ghost floated lower. “That’s why we’re called Ghosts. We bring the dead to life so they can use the Light. I’ll be able to bring you back if you die again, and I can heal you if you get hurt. And lots of other things, too. But we should find a way to Earth. There are people there who need our help.”

He reeled back and shook his head. “I think I need a minute. I… I’m so… confused.”

“It’s okay,” the Ghost said. “I’m here with you. We might be safe here, so I can answer a couple questions, but we shouldn’t stay long. I detected Awoken ships nearby, so we should ask them for a ride to Earth.”

“Awoken? What’s that?”

“That’s what you are. I… don’t actually know much about them.” Ghost seemed to shrug. “There’s some on Earth. Humans from somewhere out here who are… different. Magic in their own way, I think.”

He looked down. He was wearing armor, simple and dark. He looked at the way his hands shimmered, his skin violet, rippling like sunlight on water. Something caught his eye and he picked up the small thing next to him. It was a badge. He squinted at it. 

“Is this me?” he asked the Ghost. “Am I Zavrik Vaal?”

The Ghost flew down to look at it. “Um… maybe,” it said reluctantly.

“Part of the Awoken military…” He hummed and hooked the badge to his armor. He got to his feet and drew the pistol from his holster. “Maybe they can help, then.”

“Help?”

“If I need to go to Earth. Or they can explain things to me, too. I get the feeling it isn’t really safe here, is it?”

The Ghost zipped around him. “No, not really,” it admitted. “You… don’t have to be Zavrik if you don’t want to. You can be anyone you want. Almost no one else ever finds out who they were before they died like this.”

He shrugged and started making his way through what looked like an old rusty ship. “If I have the chance to know, why waste it?” he countered. “It seems a fine enough name, as well. Do you have a name?”

“No.” It sounded surprised. “I never even thought about that. I suppose you could give me one if you want to.”

He chuckled. “Well, what gender are you?”

“Uh… I don’t know. I don’t think I have one. Other Ghosts do.”

“Fair enough. Where… are we, exactly?” 

“We’re in the Reef. It’s part of the asteroid belt. During the Collapse, when the Darkness came, all the colony ships out here… they were destroyed. The Awoken survived, somehow.”

Zavrik hummed in understanding. “I’ll think on a name for you. Are you to be with me always, then, if I’m undead and you bring me back to life?”

“I would like to,” the Ghost said softly. “I’ve been trying to find you for so long.”

Zavrik held out his hand and the Ghost settled above his fingers. It felt natural. It felt right. He offered it a small smile. “It’s strange, but I think it’s alright,” he said.

He finally found a way out of the ship and stepped out onto a dusty asteroid. He squinted up at the swirling void, at the expanse of rocks and dead ships stretching endlessly into the distance. “There’s… so many ships,” he murmured.

“Millions of dead bodies,” the Ghost said in sad agreement. “There’s many more Ghosts out there, searching through them, hoping… most of us stayed on Earth at first, but I knew there were enough people so far out there… and I was right.”

Zavrik smiled at it and started walking. 

After a few minutes, the Ghost made a little chiming sound. “Picking up comms nearby. They’re Awoken.”

Zavrik turned in the direction Ghost looked. When he squinted, he could see ships hovering low above the asteroid, and what looked like tents pitched. “We should go see if they can help, then,” he said.

“I’m with you,” the Ghost said.

Zavrik strode forward toward the little camp.

As he approached, he could see two people huddled close, armed, and apparently wounded. He hesitated and looked worried toward his Ghost. 

He didn’t really have any other options.

“Um, excuse me,” he started.

The two people whirled around, weapons ready.

Zavrik took a step back.

One of them let out a horrified scream. There was a bang, and then the world went black.

He gasped in a breath and jerked upright.

The two people were staring at him with distrust, fear, and grief.

“Hey, it’s okay,” his Ghost murmured to him. “I explained things to them before I revived you.”

Zavrik flicked his eyes between them uncertainly.

The Ghost looked back to the Awoken. “We just need to go to Earth,” it said.

“Mara wanted any of  _ them _ brought to her,” one of the Awoken muttered to the other.

“But not him,” the other hissed. “I won’t do it. I can’t.”

“You can’t ignore orders from the Queen!”

The woman glared at him. “We’ve already reported his death,” she snapped. “It’s not been two days. Let him leave.”

Zavrik knit his brow in confusion. “Um, sorry, what are you talking about?” he asked.

Both of them flinched like he’d struck them. Tears shone in the woman’s eyes and the man wouldn’t look at him. 

Zavrik looked at his Ghost uncertainly.

The man turned and snatched something from a bag on the ground. He threw it across the asteroid to bump into Zavrik’s knee. “Key for one of the ships,” he said curtly. “Take it. Don’t come back.”

Zavrik picked up the data pad and slowly stood. “Are you okay?” he asked cautiously.

The woman clutched her arms, tears streaking down her face now. “Just go,” she croaked. “It’s better for you and for us if you don’t ever come back here. We’re doing you a favor.”

“I don’t understand.”

“He doesn’t remember anything,” the Ghost said.

“Good,” the man said, almost harsh. “I wish I could forget, too.”

“Farran,” the woman started.

“Issa, shut up,” he snapped. He glared at Zavrik now. “You wanna know what happened? You died. And now you’re not dead. I watched my best friend, my squad leader, get stabbed in the back by an alien and choke on his own blood. And now you’re standing here like nothing’s wrong because of the Traveler, and Mara was right--”

“Farran, stop!” Issa smacked him on the arm. “Don’t be angry at him!”

“That’s not Zavrik anymore, Issa!”

Issa sniffled and turned away. “I know,” she rasped. She couldn’t look at Zavrik. “Just… just go. The Queen says we’re supposed to bring people like you to her. But… look, just leave, go to Earth, do whatever it is your Ghost wants. Just don’t come back.”

  
  


“Zeta.”

The Ghost twitched their shell and looked down at Zavrik. “What’s that?”

“Your name. Zeta. After Zeta Reticuli, the constellation.” 

The Ghost was quiet for a second. “I like it,” they said softly. “Thank you.”

Zavrik nodded once.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

Zeta stared at him. “How can I help?”

“Let’s just get to Earth. And never come back to the Reef.”

“Don’t take what they said to heart--”

“We’re not welcome here. Whoever I was? That man is dead now.”

“Are you going to pick a different name, then?” Zeta sounded uncertain.

“No.” Zavrik checked the coordinates on the ship’s controls. “No one on Earth knows Zavrik Vaal.”

“I’m sorry,” Zeta murmured. “It’s… it’s hard, and… I didn’t know…”

“It isn’t your fault,” Zavrik said softly. “I don’t blame you at all. I’m still trying to understand what’s happening, but…” He took a breath and looked out at the void. “I trust you. I don’t know how our relationship is supposed to work, but I’d like to be your friend. If you went to all this trouble to find me, and bring me back to life, and all that…”

Zeta floated beside him. “I’d like that,” they said warmly.

Something stayed chilly in Zavrik’s body as he flew to Earth.

“Welcome home, cousin.”

Zavrik stared out at the sea of mist, the walls of crystal. 

Home.

He glanced to his side, to the Ghost floating beside him. Zeta twitched their shell and returned his look. 

“I wish that it were under better circumstances,” Petra went on sadly as she led him through the Dreaming City. “But you belong here as much as any of us, if you want. I understand, of course, that your ultimate loyalty is to your City. And I respect that. But… you have part of you that has its roots here.”

Zavrik trailed his fingers over the asphodelia plants. “It’s strange,” he murmured. “Being in the Reef again.”

“How long has it been?” she asked.

“Centuries.”

Petra blinked at him. 

“Unless you do count the Prison. I never really did. Being here, on my own, without Aurora…” He shook his head.

She looked sympathetic. “Why?” 

Zavrik leaned against a rock and let the breeze ruffle his violet hair. “I was resurrected out here. Out in the belt itself, on an asteroid. My Ghost had been looking for their Guardian out there, since there were so many dead among the ships, but… they found me instead. Body hardly cold. It was right after the Fallen got here.” He scoffed.

Petra frowned. “How do you know?”

“Because my patrol squad was still there.”

Petra winced. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “I never felt like I belonged here. But something stayed with me.” He curled his fingers around cold gravity. “I brought it with me. The void where I was born. So it’s… strange, being here again. But… I’m going to do all I can for this place. For you.”

Petra softened. “Thank you, Zavrik. You’re a good friend.”

He offered the smallest quirk of his mouth.

“I’ve got to go help my Corsairs during shift change. You’ll be alright?”

He nodded. “I’ll work on trying to clear as much of this sector as I can.”

“Alright. Good luck. And thank you, again.” With that, Petra jogged away.

Zavrik made his way through the Dreaming City on his own. His pulse rifle rattled as he popped heads off of Hive and Taken seethed into nothingness. He felt out of place, in this elegant, beautiful place, in his tattered robes and unpolished armor. 

“Hey, hey, Guardian, over here! Need a hand!”

Zavrik froze. 

The voice jolted him centuries back in time.

Slowly, he turned around to see a Corsair ducked behind a rock popping off shots at a big Knight. Another Awoken, this one a man, was beside her reloading his gun. 

The Knight’s angry roar jolted him into moving. Zavrik Blinked forward and thrust out his palm. A black hole exploded from the force of his Light. The Knight was erased.

He landed lightly. His fingers shook. They never shook.

The two Awoken came out from cover. "Wow," the Corsair said. "Thanks! You really saved us there."

Zavrik nodded. 

"Are you patrolling around here?" asked the man.

Again, he nodded wordlessly.

"We were lucky for that," he said dryly. "What's your name, Guardian?"

Zavrik steeled himself. "Zavrik Vaal."

Issa and Farran stepped back in shock as Zarik tugged off his helmet.

Issa let out a choked little sound. "Zav…?"

He angled his head at them. "I do hope you're not going to kill me again," he said flatly.

They stared at him silently. He showed no expression.

“You’re… still alive,” Farran said finally.

“As are you,” he pointed out. “I do apologize. You told me not to return to the Reef. And yet, here I am.”

They both winced. “It… it wasn’t…” Issa started. 

“We’d just seen you die, man,” Farran said, his voice pleading. “We were scared. We were grieving you.”

“Are you still?”

Silence again.

Zavrik replaced his helmet. “If there’s nothing else that you need of me, I’ve got Taken to kill,” he said.

“Wait, Zavrik,” Issa burst out. 

He looked expectantly toward her.

She reached up to remove her own headpiece. Her eyes shimmered with tears. “I’m sorry,” she said, voice thick. “I’m so sorry for what we said to you. I know we were grieving and upset but we were awful to you. You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve how the Awoken have treated you, or any other Awoken Guardian. It was wrong.”

Farran shifted and looked down. “It was to keep you safe, but… yeah, I was kind of an asshole,” he said. “It’s not an excuse. ‘Cause, also, y’know, look where you are now, huh?”

Zavrik nearly chuckled at that. “Even I didn’t know then what I would be capable of.” He crossed his arms. “I wonder what I might have done had I known I would become a god-slayer.”

Issa’s eyes widened. “That… was you? You killed Oryx?”

Zavrik nodded once. “My fireteam and I, yes.”

Her eyes misted over again. She rubbed at them with the back of her hand. “Is it… is it weird for me to say I’m proud of you?”

Zavrik straightened in surprise. 

She managed a strangled smile. “I’ve thought about you every day since then. Wondering how you were. What you were doing. Hoping you were doing good things. Especially as we learned more about Risen, about Guardians…”

“She wrote letters to you,” Farran said dryly.

Issa went violet and smacked his arm. “Shut up, Farran!”

Zavrik slowly uncrossed his arms. “Why?”

Issa sniffled. “I know you don’t remember, because you died, but… you were my little brother. We were born and raised in the Distributary together, and you were the one who convinced me to go with you and leave with Mara and the others. You were always braver than me.” She laughed and shook her head.

Zavrik reeled. “I… had a sister… all this time…”

She nodded. She wiped another tear from her face. “Zav… if… if you want… if you can forgive me… you can have a sister again.”

Zavrik was one of the City’s most practiced Warlocks. He knew how to stifle any and all emotion, to turn every feeling into an impassive mask, let cold empty void fill his body and wash clean every distraction. 

The tears that stung his eyes startled him. 

He didn’t know how he ended up in Issa’s arms, pulling her close. Her arms were tight and clinging to him, minding the horns of his helmet. She was hiccuping with her muffled sobbing now. 

“I f-feel so awful about it still,” Issa mumbled into his shoulder. “Can you forgive me?”

“Yes,” he said softly. “Of course, Issa.”

A hand hesitantly touched his arm. Farran offered him an uncertain smile. “I know I don’t have the sibling excuse,” he said. “But…”

Zavrik scoffed. “You know, I’m usually not one for physical contact,” he joked dryly. He held out his arm, though.

Farran grinned and nearly bowled them both over. He reminded Zavrik a bit of Cyril, in a way. “I’m really happy you’re okay,” Farran said. “And that you’ve done so much. You’re still Zavrik, man. Maybe not the same one that we knew, but definitely the same determination and drive.”

Issa pulled off Zavrik’s helmet for him and smiled gently at him. “We aren’t supposed to tell you that we knew you, but it’s too late for that,” she told him.

Farran sorted. “Yeah, we’re pretty good at not following orders when it comes to you.”

Issa gasped softly. “Zavrik, where’s your Ghost?”

“Zeta,” Zavrik said. They appeared in a shimmer.

Issa stared awed at them. “Hello again, little Ghost,” she said. “I’m sorry to you, too.”

Zeta twitched their shell.

Issa smiled. “And… thank you, too. I didn’t think about it back then, but… you brought my little brother back. You gave him a new chance. I always knew he was destined for greatness.”

Zeta blinked their eye and spun their shell. “He’s been a wonderful Guardian,” they said solemnly. “I couldn’t have ever asked for a better one.”

Farran leaned closer. “Wow… I’ve never actually seen a living Ghost up close before.”

Zeta eyed him warily. 

Farran laughed. “Easy, it’s okay! I was just thinking… you’ve got some little dents in your shell, buddy. I know a guy. If you and Zav are okay with it, what d’you say I get you a new one?” He set a hand on his hip with a proud grin. “We’ll commemorate your return to the Reef! Your reunion with your sister! And as a way to make up for being jerks to you.”

Zavrik held out his hand for Zeta to hover over. “I don’t see why not,” he said. “If that’s alright with you, of course, Zeta.”

“Of course, Guardian,” they replied. They looked back at Farran. “I’d be honored.”

Issa reached out to take Zavrik’s hand. “Come with us,” she urged. “For a while, please? Talk with us, tell us all about your life as a Guardian, all the things that we’ve missed. I want to know about all you’ve done so I can brag about it. My little brother is a Guardian, and a god-killer! My little brother killed Oryx!” 

Zavrik let a smile curl the edge of his lip. He let his sister take his hand. “Only if you tell me about yourself, as well,” he said. “Tell me what our history is, as Awoken, what our childhoods were like.”

“Of course!” She beamed at him.

“Maybe we can get you new armor, too,” Farran mused. “Not that there’s anything wrong with what you’re wearing, of course!”

Zavrik frowned and looked at his robes. “I… hm, I suppose a change might not be a bad idea… it wasn’t ever really important to me, if I’m honest. These did the job for me. But the Awoken… clearly, presentation is important… everything here seems so… refined.”

“If you want, we can help with that, too,” Issa said warmly. “You’re Awoken, Zavrik. We were wrong before. This is your home, too, as much as you want it to be. You can come here whenever you want.”

He felt a more genuine smile start to grow on his face. “I think… I would like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> come stop by my tumblr @lesbianeliksni


End file.
